Christmas is nearing and while I look forward to so many of the wonderful traditions John and I have begun for our family, along with John's family, I dread this one just a little. We'll do Christmas Eve services (I get to be in the choir the first service...apologies all around ahead of time for my friends who read this and attend; but I've always wanted to be in the choir, so you'll have to break my toes before you get me kicked off!). Then it'll be a quiet family night and Christmas Day spent in Platte City with John's family.
There will be a noteable absence in our home this year. We will be missing Nicole this year, she likely won't be home. And while I don't feel led to go into the details of her absence, it's weighing heavily on my heart, and has been for over a month now. We miss her, we worry constantly, and we pray she will change her heart and come home. She's being led away from our family by 'friends' who aren't necessarily interested in her best interests, who tell her what she wants to hear right now. And at 18, there's nothing we can do. I know, I've tried.
And because I love her more than any word has yet to describe my feelings, I'm writing this as a very broken person right now. Our lives have been shattered, I literally live one hour at a time, it's the only way. I simply get through my days right now, but that doesn't mean my days aren't good, I love my life and I love the days God gives me. He keeps giving them to me, so I keep thinking I owe it to Him to try to make them worthy of His time.