Feb 10, 2009

Boot Camp Quitter Failure...Right Here!

Julie, my once-very-dear friend, has been urging me to join her gym, something very similar to Curves, but not Curves. I've been putting it off, although I know I need to do something to stop the muffin once and for all. After a barrage of calls, emails, begging and pleading, she finally tried a backdoor 'in'. Boot camp. She was signing up for boot camp and wouldn't we have great fun together there? It was just a short-term commitment. We'd laugh, do a little cardio, hang out in the infrared sauna...it'd be awesome bonding time. So okay! I'm in! I hurried down there with my checkbook and signed myself up. AND recruited our friend Celia to join too.

Day 1, no exercise but traumatic. Weigh-in day....where I discover I've upped my muffin by 10 pounds this Fall/Winter season. Sheri (my drill sergeant) informs me that while she can't promise it, she's fairly certain if I stick to a reasonable diet and this program, I'll be down 15-20 pounds by the end of March. Okie dokie, I'm in.

Day 2, we arrive, exchange hellos, laughter, stand about chatting with the gals. I do a cursory glance about the room for the 'fat' 'older' ladies Julie assures me she primarily frequent this gym. And...helloooo!! Uh, I'm pretty much IT. I AM the older fat lady working out with Julie (who, by the way, is and always has been gorgeous and thin and I'd never think to join a gym if I looked like her, no way no how).

I'm not one to hold back my feelings. Under my breath made sure Julie knew I pretty much un-bff'd her from that point on. Then the exercise started full throttle. Lunges, squats, squat-walking, bending and jumping up (in my case, I soared to about a quarter of an inch off the ground (see diagram, I'm on the far right), then ending by extending two arms and feet, holding this position for 30 seconds each as I'm parralleltothegroundareyoufreakinkiddingme?! We exercised about 20 minutes that night, not bad, right?

Day after Day 2: Oh, I DO have butt muscles after all. I know this because they hurt like my arms, legs, shoulders AND back hurt today.

Day after Day after Day 2: No change.

Day after Day after Day after Day 2: I can get down the stairs without turning sideways and stepping...and I've got abs under there somewhere, I feel them.

Day 3: I am withdrawing, I am in over my head. I call Celia (who is roughly in the same position I'm in) and let her know what I'm thinking: either refund the money or give us three months' membership at the gym. Period. I am NOT doing this boot camp and I refuse to workout tonight. She's in agreement, we're the old ladies and we cannot do this. We bargain with each other that no matter what, we'll exercise and will be accountability partners to each other. Plan to arrive at gym 30 minutes early to tell Drill Sgt. Sheri.

I arrived after Celia, who covertly meets me outside the gym to tell me it didn't go well...she wouldn't let her quit. Wouldn't let her quit?! Nuh uh, no way, no how, not gonna happen, you're smokin something if you think I'm staying. Sheesh, I'll have to do this myself. I marched myself in, told Drill Sgt. Sheri I was in over my head. She smiles and I detect she was ready for me, she knew.

"No you're not"

I can't do this

"Yes you can"

I'm going to quit

"No you're not"

But I hurt everywhere

"You're fine"

You don't understand, I'm not young like these ladies! Leaning in, I declared I cannot keep up

"You'll keep up. So why don't you and Celia go warm up on the cardio machines?"

Who in the hey hoo (borrowing that from JenGi) does she think she IS? I'm the customer and I.am.right!!!

An hour and 20 minutes later, I emerge from boot camp. I can't even quit boot camp right. But I'm victorious nonetheless. I did it and I do believe I can do it again! I'm ready for tonight Wednesday night now. I think I'll hold onto my capri's I didn't wear last Summer either. Just in case I decide to finish boot camp after all.


ValeriGail said...

ROFL!! I know I know, I shouldn't.. but your boot camp non quitting is totally funny! You are a braver girl than me.. No way I'd even consider doing it in the first place, though I could use it! I love your drill Srgt though! "You can do this, yes you can!" ;) I hope you do see it through, bet it will feel damn good!

Mrs. C said...

THAT is why I never sign up for anything!!! LOL!!!

Donna said...

Thanks for the laugh this morning.

Good luck to you.

Tammy said...

You go girl!!!

Kathleen aka Coffee Mom said...

And this is exactly why I go to gym where I am not the oldest fat lady there! Thanks for the laugh :-)

Bubba's Sis said...

I just don't understand why anyone would want to do something called "Boot Camp"?!? Seriously?!?

Anonymous said...

I don't know, looking at the picture you look just as thin as the rest of them and you have way better hair.

You go Private JameeForever, you can do it!

Mr. Private JameeForever.

D... said...

LOL! This is why I never step foot in a gym nor listen to my friends who do. ;)

Good luck! You CAN do it and you'll feel great once it's accomplished. And I so agree with Mr. Private JameeForever. :)

Jenny86753oh9 said...

Hello! Mr. Private JameeForever totally has it right...It's all about the hair!!!

Stacey, I'm absolutely rolling in hysterics! I can't totally visualize you doing all that!!!

(I'm glad you didn't quit....)

Misty Dawn said...

You are so funny! I know you can do it Stace - I have SO much faith in you. But, I do think you're gorgeous, just the way you are! just sayin.