Nov 18, 2008

Writing A Manual: How To Survive A Niki

Oh it's coming--if the process doesn't do me in before I can finish it.

It's been a very long time--I let many of my friends know by email that I was going to step away from blogging for awhile if not forever. Not because I didn't have time to blog, but because circumstances in my life were so overwhelming I didn't think I could come up with anything to say, let alone find air to breathe some days. For those of you who are the last to know, our daughter, Nicole, is pregnant. It was a devastating blow...but in the end, that's all it is. Just another blow; it didn't destroy us and it won't. I'm STILL getting used to the idea.

Niki is doing well--her morning sickness has passed. She is quickly outgrowing all her 'normal' clothes. But healthy. I've decided while I know it's not always meant to be rude, that I'm tired of watching my friends approach my daughter and ask her 'the question'. Are you keeping your baby? I hate that she feels she has to answer that over and over--and I hate that she feels she has to justify herself. Adoption is such a great choice. But not here. Niki may not have the father (who has treated her so disrespectfully I'd almost rather have dinner with Michelle Obama and Rosie together than have another conversation with him) but she has John and she has me. Our prayer is that one day she will meet a special man who will love her AND her child. And she will.

For now we occupy ourselves with logistics. Her room isn't large enough for a full-sized crib and her stuff. Her room is the smaller of the three kids' because it had it's own bathroom, not the adjoining bath the boys have. Please! Couldn't even fathom mornings if Niki and Cody had to share a shower/toilet.

So I we're thinking of knocking out a wall in her room that opens to quite a lot of unused space. It runs along the upstairs hallway and is large enough for two bedrooms, so we have room. We just need money and/or time to get this done! In the meantime, Niki has been informed babies don't need space. They can even sleep in chest drawers. Ummmm no. I cannot chance my first grandchild encountering the same fate most of her jeans and socks encounter--lost, mis-matched, wrinkled or worse--dirty. I think a drawer is fine for some, but Niki needs to stick with a specific baby spot. We'll get her a bassinet.

So there you have it--I didn't mean to go away for so long, I just couldn't think beyond the hour for so long. But there came a point when I just had to realize what I've been talking about all this time: I am not in control, God is. I can make decisions, but there is a reason God put these trials in my life. It's up to me to keep going.

And I love love love all of you. Your letters have made me smile, kept me laughing, and loved me right through the dark times. I keep saying this, but it's true--blog friends are amongst the best friends!

If I had to find a silver lining, I didn't have to say a thing after the elections. Not.a.word. But omg omg omg...what?!!!


Shana said...

Well, I wasn't a very good blogging friend. I read your e-mail, and said a prayer, re-read it and tried to think of words to say to make it all better, but I couldn't think of any, so I never sent a reply. (wow, what a run-on sentence that was!) But please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers daily. (((HUGS)))

P.S. It is good to see you back at the blog. :o)

Memarie Lane said...

when my sister got pregnant at 16 (I was 14) our family was hit pretty hard. especially my mom, who got a lot of dressing-down from women at our church. my sister chose adoption but then changed her mind. imagine our surprise to find what a HUGE blessing my little niece was. she became the sunshine of our lives. and holy cow, she just turned 17.

Anonymous said...

Hugs and love, hugs and love. It will all be okay, I promise. You are such an amazing mother. The love the exists in your home is endless. Remember, God knows what he is doing, even if we aren't so sure.

Donna said...

I've missed you. I've been where you are: My son got his girl friend pregnant when he was still 17. He was 18 when my first grandchild was born, and immediately went into the Army. I cried more then than I had ever cried before, I do believe.

I wouldn't go back and un-do all that mess even if I could. When you hold your first grandchild, you will understand what I'm saying.

Mrs. C said...


No, not about the news. About the fact that you started blogging today. I kept thinking you would all day and it was just odd.


Ok, that's weird, too, I thought if you didn't I would email you and ask you about Niki's morning sickness


Then I thought I'd ask how things were going with the dad and what people round about were saying and hoping you have really thick Rhino skins.


Love ya back. Givin' ya a couple hugs until we get together IRL. I haven't forgotten you want to do that!!

D... said...

Stacey!!!!! I was thrilled to see you had a blog post. I've missed you out here in this blogosphere.

I'm glad things are going well with Niki's pregnancy. She WILL meet a man who loves her and her baby. God has someone in mind. And, yes, He is in control. Just keep leaning and trusting on Him through these trials.

Good luck with the baby space. Don't ask my hubby to do it! Your first grandchild would probably be a high school graduate by the time he finished. ;)

Love you!

Kathleen aka Coffee Mom said...

Of course now I am sitting here picturing sweet baby in the sock drawer with everything. Why why why did you have to put that image in my head? I seriously can't stop laughing!
I'm glad Niki is feeling better. Any chance you'll let us know if baby is going to be a boy or a girl?

Stacey said...

Thank you ladies, I'm coming by tonight to hug all of y'all! And whether you emailed me or not, I KNOW you prayed for me, I felt those prayers.

And for sure, y'all will know the day I do, boy or girl. Ohhhh but for a girl like Niki for Niki. I never understood that joke until now!!

Jim and Jami said...

keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.....Love Ya PS.....

Bubba's Sis said...

Stacey, I was so excited to see a new blog post that I about fell out of my chair!! Welcome back, sweetiepiehoneyfriend! And I love the new blog look!

As I told you before, I am praying praying praying for ya'll - for you, for your family, for Niki and her baby - God IS in control, and I'm so happy ya'll have made the decision you have made. That beautiful baby will be a blessing like you've never known!

Know that I love you and I'm sending you some big ol' Texas hugs!

Jenny 865-53oh9 said...

I love you, Stacey. are one of the strongest persons I know.

I hate blogging without. I'm glad you're back. Call you later (...WE ARE NOT BROKE UP!)

Tammy said...

My father always told me that God never gives us anything that we can not handle. You're going to be an awesome and HOT grandmother! Love ya girl!

Cate said...

Hey there Stacey - just caught up on your news, having not been blogging lately myself.

I can imagine that your family have been through a roller coaster set of emotions. I know that you will all do just great though, and this babe will be a blessing to you all.

Now get some sleep before your nightly Grandma duties begin! :)
C x

Angela Williams Duea said...

I was beginning to wonder if you were all right. I'm glad you're back and I will be looking forward to hearing your stories on your way to becoming a Grandma.

Niki is very blessed to have you as a mother. I am so glad she was able to come back to you in her need.

jessica said...

That new little one WILL be a blessing and a huge joy for this family. I can't wait to get my arms around him/her and introduce the cousins! We love you all very much.

Kelly said...

Hey, Stace, well, I know why you probably didn't answer the phone when I called you the other day! Your mind is obviously occupied! I want to come and see you. Look at your schedule. What are you doing this Saturday--after Thanksgiving? Jake is going to the MU/KU game so he won't be home, and I'm off, so...


StarSraps said...

I missed a post...I was reading along on your most recent post and just gathered I had missed something...and then I went digging. I KNOW you KNOW...this is no MISTAKE. GOD turns our "bad" into blessings...and I am certain that this will be his biggest blessing yet. You and Nicole are in my prayers (of course little one too). ((((((BIG HUGS)))))))