Writing A Manual: How To Survive A Niki

Oh it's coming--if the process doesn't do me in before I can finish it.

It's been a very long time--I let many of my friends know by email that I was going to step away from blogging for awhile if not forever. Not because I didn't have time to blog, but because circumstances in my life were so overwhelming I didn't think I could come up with anything to say, let alone find air to breathe some days. For those of you who are the last to know, our daughter, Nicole, is pregnant. It was a devastating blow...but in the end, that's all it is. Just another blow; it didn't destroy us and it won't. I'm STILL getting used to the idea.

Niki is doing well--her morning sickness has passed. She is quickly outgrowing all her 'normal' clothes. But healthy. I've decided while I know it's not always meant to be rude, that I'm tired of watching my friends approach my daughter and ask her 'the question'. Are you keeping your baby? I hate that she feels she has to answer that over and over--and I hate that she feels she has to justify herself. Adoption is such a great choice. But not here. Niki may not have the father (who has treated her so disrespectfully I'd almost rather have dinner with Michelle Obama and Rosie together than have another conversation with him) but she has John and she has me. Our prayer is that one day she will meet a special man who will love her AND her child. And she will.

For now we occupy ourselves with logistics. Her room isn't large enough for a full-sized crib and her stuff. Her room is the smaller of the three kids' because it had it's own bathroom, not the adjoining bath the boys have. Please! Couldn't even fathom mornings if Niki and Cody had to share a shower/toilet.

So I we're thinking of knocking out a wall in her room that opens to quite a lot of unused space. It runs along the upstairs hallway and is large enough for two bedrooms, so we have room. We just need money and/or time to get this done! In the meantime, Niki has been informed babies don't need space. They can even sleep in chest drawers. Ummmm no. I cannot chance my first grandchild encountering the same fate most of her jeans and socks encounter--lost, mis-matched, wrinkled or worse--dirty. I think a drawer is fine for some, but Niki needs to stick with a specific baby spot. We'll get her a bassinet.

So there you have it--I didn't mean to go away for so long, I just couldn't think beyond the hour for so long. But there came a point when I just had to realize what I've been talking about all this time: I am not in control, God is. I can make decisions, but there is a reason God put these trials in my life. It's up to me to keep going.

And I love love love all of you. Your letters have made me smile, kept me laughing, and loved me right through the dark times. I keep saying this, but it's true--blog friends are amongst the best friends!

If I had to find a silver lining, I didn't have to say a thing after the elections. Not.a.word. But omg omg omg...what?!!!