May 29, 2008

Bittersweet Symphony--But I CAN Change

I'm going to take a leave from my data entry work--maybe for a few months, maybe forever. I'm not sure how it'll go, but I do know while I don't work terribly hard at it, it's turned into 'my straw' most nights. I've lost a lot of sleep because I tend to put everything else ahead of my work. I'm pretty excited just thinking about this summer--I won't be teaching much and I won't be keying all night long. I'm still doing the digi work, but that's not work for me, lol.

Miracle Word is still going well, I'm finally getting caught up with reading. The CBF assembly in Memphis is quickly approaching (click it, click it! I'm there--that'll never happen again!). I went to the meeting at church last night (30 minutes late, that looked very good for me, the promotion girl, to have no clue!). I'm so excited about this trip--it's just Alex and myself going...we leave the 15th of June and stay six nights. Three of those nights will be spent doing some missional work, and I'm hoping we get to go to the nursing home event, that'd be me where I'm most comfortable.

I called JenGi and asked her to come with, hopefully she and the boys can get away. She'd be an amazing advocate for MW, not to mention the trouble she, Debbie, (not I) will find. John's not able to go because he'll fly to Virginia that next week for my niece's wedding. So I'm bringing Alex and we're calling it a little after-school breakaway! Can you tell we need one?

Reading through Job over the past several weeks, one tends to think about things. Lots of things. And it brings me around to this--trials. I don't know why we have trials in our lives...and I don't know why some people tend to have bigger trials than others. It doesn't make much sense to me now, but does it need to? Honestly, it's easier for me if I don't think about it terribly much. If I zoned in a little more narrowly, spoke about trials, it brings me to this: I've wronged others and I've been wronged. Terribly wronged in some instances. To focus on those specific wrongs would tear my life apart at the seams. To focus on the people I've hurt would do the same, even more so.
I know people who have gone through far more than I have. I know people who have made unthinkable choices, and I know people who may never want to see what they've done has hurt someone else. And sometimes it's not intentional, it just is. I know I'm straying a little from what the book of Job taught me, but I never said my thought process made sense, lol. But I was thinking a lot about it lately. If I'm nothing else, I'm definitely loyal. If I love you once, I love you forever, you'll be my friend for life. And when I see a friend hurting, when I see a friend has been hurt, whose life maybe isn't on track because of someone else's actions, my instinct is to get angry and lash out at whoever hurt my friend. But I'm commanded to forgive others who wrong me, so why do I do this? It's not my place to hold onto anger when someone else has been hurt, when someone has deceived my friends, when someone physically hurts my friends.
There's a point, I'm working on it. I need to practice walking a fine line--being a good and supportive friend and not being a judgmental person. And I will pray for others first--that they do the right thing, that they make things right. I'm not speaking from any specific circumstance, it's just something I've been running through my head these past few weeks. I think reading the bible like this has put perspective on things I hadn't been able to perspectivise myself. (I know it's not a word, but it should be!)


Angela Williams Duea said...

Oh, support and judgement are so hard for me. I am thankful God is patient with me - I have a lot to learn!

D... said...

You will be in Memphis???? Oh wow, I wonder if I can visit my family during that time? Hmmmm... Let me know if there's anything you need to know about Mphs.

Great thought processes. Love thy neighbor is sometimes a very hard thing to do. Very hard.

Tammy said...

During confirmation class today Rev. Bonnie gave all the kids (and me too yay!!!) a bracelet that says P.U.S.H. on it. It means Pray Until Something Happens, don't give up if God doesn't answer your prayers right away or the way you want him to. I'm still wearing mine as a way to remind me that God is always listening to me not matter what I have to say. It's nice to be able to talk to other bloggers about God and prayer, thank you.

Mrs. C said...

Ok working on this too. But feeling like the martyr and going, WHY is it always me that has to forgive??

I finally got round to thinking more on the Sabbath. Posted answer on my blog, but I think God wants time with us and we NEED time with Him or we get off-balance.

Yup, it's always "back to the Word" when in doubt. Many hugs to you and your family tonight.

Jenny 865-53oh9 said...

Yep, you and Alex definitely need a break! I'm working to see if I can swing the Memphis thing.

We still on for next week????

(See how I so carefully avoided the forgiveness part? I'm so sly when I don't want to deal with "it")

Bubba's Sis said...

Oooo! A Memphis trip would be fun!

Ms. Can't Be Wrong said...

I hope you have the greatest time ever! Be careful. Memphis can be very scary after dark!!!

Thanks for the sermon. It's just what I needed. I'm currently struggling with a situation in which a friend is having a hard time and I don't feel her husband is being supportive of her at all. I'm walking the fine line of being a good friend and not being judgmental of the husband.

it's me, Val said...

Really great thoughts. I am one to think judgmental thoughts. I need to stop, and I am. It just takes a lot of practice :) Thanks for the great reminder :)

StarSraps said...

Girl you know you speak to me!! The book of Job is my complete and utter Hope in Life and in Christ. I know that he promises me "double for my trouble". It is hard to forgive and I for certain need to continue to do that daily. I just pray that others forgive me too! Thank You Lord for Loving the imperfect "ME"! I do know this...when I am faithful and forgive as he has forgiven washes a lot of my anger way! Great Post! I have got to get over here more! ((HUGS))

jennyonthespot said...

Great thoughts. I am a very judgmental person, but I have very low expectations of people these days... so it takes a bit of effort to disappoint/hurt me :) I think that's because I see how terribly imperfect I am...

Anyway - while it's good to be careful about our judgement, we do need to be wise. Emotions such as anger help us know something is wrong - it's how we respond to our perceptions.

I am so all over the place on this... maybe I should go now :)