Sep 19, 2007

Matthew 18 Principle--Can It Work?

AHHHH! Was ANYONE gonna break it to me that I spelled Matthew wrong?

Matthew 18:15-17 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by
International Bible Society
A Brother Who Sins Against You 15"If your brother sins against you,[a] go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'[b] 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

This is one of those days I'm thankful my computer locked up on me and I couldn't post my rant. Because it wouldn't fall completely in line with the principle I try my hardest to use when faced with difficult people. And this has cropped up lately, something very ugly and vicious has happened between our family and another church family I love dearly that has left us astounded. And I have no right to go into detail on here, so I won't. I will say this:

Parents, be concerned if you are not able to speak with other children if they are misbehaving (in a responsible way of course) or to their parents if need be. If they cast away the bad behavior and focus on defensive rhetoric, then you are sunk--they won't hear you. The days of parents disciplining their children, guiding them to apologize when wrong, are over. Now it is often seen as an attack on them, thus resulting in an attack on you. I think this gives our children permission to continue going out and hurting others--Mom and Dad don't care--they'll make calls and they'll defend me at all costs. Be. Afraid. But maybe if enough of us stand by the biblical principles, it can overcome.

*sorry another few pictures were just finished up, have to show them off ONE more time! Prayers for her senior year would be great--it still astounds me how cruel teenagers are to each other and how deep the impact on the targets.


Kathleen aka Coffee Mom said...

I am constantly amazed at how rude, nasty and hateful we (in general) are to each other. When you get down to it I think people don't like other people. At all.
My thoughts and prayers are with you guys as you deal with what can be a very tough and sticky situation.

P.S. She's one sweet 'cookie'!!

D... said...

Yikes, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I went through a similar situation last school year with a parent and her child. Parents do become defensive rather than truly hearing what is being said to them. And it's creating 'monsters' out of these precious children. Makes my heart sad.

I hope you have a happy ending to your situation. And I'm loving these pics of your lovely daughter! I will certainly pray for her senior year. This should be a happy time in her life. :(

D... said...

I forgot to add that that's a great principle to stand by. Lays it all right there for how you should handle it, huh?

Girl Gone Wild said...

Oooo....I like the collage of her!

With this posting, maybe I should call you! It goes along with my venting post (to a degree).

Bubba's Sis said...

What is WITH people nowadays??? I pray for a resolution for you - I can only imagine the angst this is causing you. You're too sweet to be hurting like this!

Love the pictures of Niki! Especially that last one - very serious. Kind-of a "I'm gonna kick your ass" look! ;-)

Bubba's Sis said...

OMG, I don't mean that comment about Niki in a bad way!!!!! Please don't take it that way!!!

Lala said...

Stacy... I couldn't agree with you MORE... although I am a bit astounded that you are just "NOW" (?)realizing that the days of parents disciplining their children are over (I know you realized this a LONG TIME AGO RIGHT?)... I have been TRYING to figure out just WHEN that happened... I remember as a child when I would misbehave (or was "mean" to someone) my father would make me write a letter of apology... THEN I would have to STAND IN FRONT OF THAT PERSON and read the letter outloud to them (with my father standing next to me)... and then GIVE them the letter... *SIGH* those were the days... it taught me some valuble lessons... one was TAKING RESPONSIBILTY for my actions... anyway... I think also that sometimes as parents we have to be careful about WHEN we "step into" a situation also... we must give our children the opportunity/tools to solve problems themselves... and sometimes when we "come to the rescue" all the time it can be just as bad as explaining away bad behavior... I try really hard to step back a bit and observe BEFORE stepping in (unless immediate physical harm or intentional meanness is present... not knowing the situation you/your family is in being kept in mind... I hope the situation settles down for you all...

Lala :o) (the uber responsible one who is NOT afraid to PARENT and who believes in the phrase "the buck stops here")

Anonymous said...

Just responding to what "d" said....of course that's a "great principle" to stand's God's and His ways are perfect!

Stacey said...

B/S, no worries, I got what you meant--besides, I think you're right. She is her mother's daughter after all!!

Anonymous, so long as there are folks in the world like all y'all, then there is still hope. I worry, though...more people need to take a stand when it's what they truly know is right.

Donna said...

I attended grandparent's day with the granddaughters. I was ashamed at my 10-year-old g-daughter's attitude and smart-aleck mouth, both with her teacher and her fellow students. A few years ago, such behavior would not have been tolerated. Why are kids allowed to get by with so much? Somebody straighten my granddaughter out!

Donna said...

Oh, I forgot to say, your daughter is lovely!

Dawn @ Coming to a Nursery Near You said...

You probably won't like this, but basically, people suck. LOL We went from one extreme to the other - that being TOO severe with our children, so they struck out (the 60's) and made their own way - and then they raised their kids a bit more gently... and those kids are raising their kids WAY more gently, i.e. not at all. We see it constantly where we live, and it's one of the main reasons why we home school - because I do NOT want my kid growing up like these other kids. We've watched a neighbor's kid get locked out of the house so she could 'party' - and the kid is seriously - SERIOUSLY - messed up. Swearing, hitting, punching out windows... gee, wonder what HIS kid is gonna be like.

I'm so sorry, though, that you're having to go through that - and you're facing opposition in trying to resolve things. You don't deserve that, nor do your kids :(

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this with another church family. It sounds like a very sticky and uncomfortable place to be. Hurtful too. I don't know why people have to be so defensive these days. You were not attacking or being vicious, trying to talk like adults about a concern. Sounds like it blew way out of proportion. That truly is sad. Hopefully, it can be resolved, so things are not uncomfortable at church.

Katja from said...

Niki is gorgeous!!! I love all of those shots!

I totally understand you. To be honest, that;s one of the reasons we don't really have that many friends with same age kids as ours. We just can't stand what other parents let their children do, and then we stuck out as the "bad parents" who have dicipiline, and whose kids actually know how to behave. I have moms coming to tell me that I'm just too strict (when not letting my 4 yr old to jump in the same trampoline with ten bigger kids), and I hate what kind of influence some kids have on mine.

The truth is though, that some day those children will grow up and realize that what their parents did, was wrong, and I will have a better releationship with my kids - they'll also know that I loved and cared for them, and rules were there for reason.

Oh yeah, and I tagged you to take a photo from your window :) And BTW, I've been trying to leave a comment for you the whole week, but blogger hasn't been working well for me (in commenting). It takes forever to open this comment box, don't know why.

Cheryl said...

Stacey, I'm sorry about your situation at church. It is bad enough when it happens with a neighbor or at school, but church is supposed to be a safe place. This happened to us, too, so I know what you are going through. It's very, very hard. And when you are dealing with insecure, fearful people, who can't accept the fact that their children aren't perfect, there is no resolution. You just have to let it go and move on.

Your daughter's senior picture are beautiful! :)

Cat said...

OMG! How on earth could I have not been here to see this post. UGH! first let me say this. YOUR DAUGHTER IS ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS! those pictures turned out so awsome, and I love everything she wore!

Secondly, I am here for you girl, if you need to talk. I am right there with you on all this. This family is wrong, to do what they did (or are doing).
(HUGS) friend

I will save you a seat tomorrow! promise. We leave early because we usually get there late. LOL