Nov 6, 2007

Okay, But I Refuse To Count The 9 Build-A-Stacey Months!

It's official, I am 40. I wasn't feeling it yet; sure I had the birthday last month and I load on the Oil of Old Lady every night without fail. I have a counter filled with prescriptions and supplements. But me? 40? Nope, it didn't register like that for me.


Until yesterday. Alex complained his eyes hurt, so I called the optometrist we use. He had an opening in the afternoon. Great! And would I like to come in too, there was another opening? Hmm...clicking finger tips (no nails) on the counter. I didn't really want to go, in fact I'd avoided it my entire adult life. Sure I needed reading glasses from time to time, mostly for reading small print on my work and the Bible. But my vision is fine. Besides, if I were truthful, I avoided eye doctors. My sister's cancer was a rare melanoma, a tumor detected when her eye doctor dilated her eyes. I have no excuse other than extreme fear.

They needed an answer and my mind was racing while I heard someone who sounded a lot like me say "okay, sounds good to me."

Alex went through the thorough exam, checked out just fine. My turn came and I just focused on what the doctor was saying, nothing else. Soon it was done, no tumors. But the reading thing was an issue and I had an ever- so- slight correction in my right eye. I didn't NEED glasses for distance, but it would make things a bit clearer. Bifocals would be very helpful he said. Especially at church where I'm reading, looking up, reading, looking up. I must admit, I can't tell if Chuck is convicting ME in his sermons anymore (whew!) so I assume if he's making a point and looking my way, he must be talking to Cat or someone nearby. Probably Cat. Or John. Could be John.
Bifocals? Pshh! No. I don't need those, my dad wore those! I sat there waiting for him to finish writing (I think he was writing stubborn middle-aged mom, she'll be back). Ohhhhh! Alright! I'll get bifocals. It would be nice, especially at church where my eye focus is constantly changing from Bible to speaker.

Word. You can shop for new frames with your eyes dilated. But trust your salesperson. She pulls half a dozen frames, all built to help minimize the extreme basketball shape of my face, and I commence trying them on. She'd say ewww. Or burst into laughter as I stand there squinting in desperation--I can only make out the outline; I think she's pointing and laughing, but I'm not sure. Finally she puts a pair on and says "Oh, Stacey, these are great! The green looks so great with your complexion and dark eyes". Green? "Really?" I ask, gazing into the mirror..wait, that's the salespersons face not mine....okay found it! "Really." she affirmed. "But they're GREEN! I can't show up at church with green glasses; no more than I could wear a pair of pink glasses." With that, she slowly puts a pair down and slides it away.

I tell her if she thinks the style on my face now is good, then find it in another color. Find brown. She finds something similar in 'tortoise', brown. Lined in what I thought could be green, but she called it honey. Translated to mean they could be yellow, can't tell. Then the guy salesman bounces over "Oh Stacey (they know me because I'm there often with Niki) those look goo-ood. And look at these!" He produces a pair of designer sunglasses. While it's blurry, he is so excited about them I know they MUST be tres chic. I'm debating. I want 'em. Oh my gosh could you just SEE me?! No $12 on sale at Kohl's sunglasses for me anymore. Wait wait wait...."you're good guys! Very good. But I don't need a pair of sunglasses for READING!". They giggle at the ridiculousness of it too, then still in sales mode, tell me I could see the speedometer better. I didn't even know I HAD a speedometer, just ring up the one pair please.

$300 + later Alex and I are feeling our way out of Target Optical. He is wearing the standard disposable issue sunglasses for his dilated eyes. I had my own. We get outside and Alex, knowing he is struggling to see so I must be too, says "Mom, I'd rather walk home." I don't tell him I've already considered it, we don't live too far. "Nonsense, I can see; didn't you hear the doctor tell me it was safe for me to drive?" Where in the HECK is my car? Arm in arm we navigate the parking lot. I put the keys in the CD player ignition......Hayyy I DO have a speedometer.

So just like that, I own 40. Next week, I will have bifocals. And I have no idea what they look like. Tortoise and honey. Sounds like a storybook tale for children to me.

15 Comments:

Marie said...

Oil of Old Lady! I love it!

I was given prescription reading glasses a few years ago, prescription because the ones they sell on the rack were too strong, but I had eye strain. But I rarely if ever use them.

I love glasses, I wouldn't mind at all if I had to wear them. I like the whole Lisa Loeb thing.

Girl Gone Wild - BibleStyle said...

Can't.wait.to.see!

I like you in those glasses up there...

Ok, so I haven't pinned down the whole Lasik date yet (I'm nervous!). I have to do it TODAY or J will throw me out.

Hey wait...that's not too bad of an idea...then I won't have to deal with my in-laws (coming on Thurs!!!)

so we still having lunch with Cat? I'm still game...

D... said...

Hey! Since I'm reading this, you & Alex made it home safe & sound then.

Welcome to my world of glasses! You should have gone with the green ones. ;) I actually went all rebel with my last pair and bought maroon. I don't want another pair of glasses tho. I want the lasik surgery. But, I'm a poor chicken so it'll probably be another pair for me.

Can't wait to see you in your new ones. I'm sure you got the invisible bifocal right? ;)

Stacey said...

Huh? I dunno, is there a difference, D? OMG, D!!!! D, answer meeeeeee!!! Naw, of course I did invisible; do I look uncool to you? Okay okay, do I look stupid to you? Wait...okay I did, period!

Sharon said...

LOVE those glasses on you! I have dark red frames - they're my driving glasses. I wear contacts - left eye corrected for close vision, right eye corrected for far vision. It's a bit weird at first but I don't need reading glasses or bifolkals - I get to pretend I don't need eye correction.

You know, now that you've admitted you need glasses for your old over 40 eyes that could be the reason you *thought* you saw great abs on my blog, LOL!

And you live in close walking distance to Target? That would be too dangerous for me...we'd have to move.

Misty Dawn said...

Stacey... in the photo with the glasses, you look absolutely gorgeous, my friend! WooHoo you got that I'm a hot sexy librarian thing going on!

I've got glasses, but hardly ever wear them. I'm supposed to wear them for reading and working on the computer. BUT, I can't wear them when I use the computer because they make the screen all blurry! So, I can't wear them for homework either when I'm looking back and forth between book and computer. UGH - basically a waste of money because I never wear them.

Sorry for the long comment - Love ya bunches of muches!

karen said...

I think those glasses look adorable. Are those the pair you bought?

You make 40 look gooooood!

Dawn @ Coming to a Nursery Near You said...

Ok, I need to know what's up with the sucking of the cheeks with your pics LOL

You look mahhhhvelous, though, in any pic :) glasses or no.

I don't have bifocals, and I don't want to own 40 but am now looking down at 41, dammit. lol

Stacey said...

LOL, I don't KNOW, Dawn, I think it's a habit I picked up when I'm being silly. Once I find a new habit, I never let it go, but now I'm conscious of it and now I'll have to do that!

I think the whole bifocal thing sucks not because they look anyway or another, but because my EYES ARE OLDDDD!!!!!

edb said...

So, I got glasses my freshman year at a new high school (Kickapoo...go Chiefs!). As if being the new kid wasn't hard enough, or being the new and only bald kid, now I'm the new, bald, and partially blind kid.

My senior year, I switched to contacts. They gave me to marvelous cases of pink eye. Yippee.

I could choose Lasik, but I'm terrified of its long-term effects.

So, glasses are cool
Glasses are hot
Glad yours are tortoise
Glad mine are not.

Bubba's Sis said...

I want glasses! When Hubby got his I considered just buying some frames w/ clear glass in them so I could look cool. I can't wait to see yours - I bet you look WAAAY CA-YOOT! And oh-so-smart.

Kathleen aka Coffee Mom said...

You make glasses look good!!

kailani said...

Happy Birthday! Now you can join our 40 and over club! Don't worry, age is all in the mind. At least, that's what I keep telling myself. hee hee

ConservaChick said...

Happy birthday! I think glasses are cool. I bought the ones that are cateyed with rhinestones. The eye Dr. said "are you sure... don't you think you'll get tired of them? Nope. Love them a year later (although I usually wear contacts because glasses bug the heck out of me) Oh, but they do look so cute.
Funny thing about "Oil of Old Lady"... I thought it really was called "Oil Of Old Age" until I was 10. It fits better, don't you think? ~K

Eileen said...

You look good in glasss period. Any color, shape or size. I loved the picture you did post, you looked adorable in your reading glasses. I turned 44 in July, and I am afraid it won't be long now before I need reading glasses too. I have always had perfect vision, but I am starting to notice little things, when I try to read small print. It drives me crazy! The eye doctor said, "yep, it happens to everyone after 40." Real sensitve guy.
But seriously, I am glad you sent to the appointment, I know that could not have been easy given the fear and anxiety you keep hidden inside you about your sister. I think that was brave.
XOXO